It’s common for siblings to argue growing up but when those disagreements go unresolved the fallout can last well into adulthood, leaving lasting damage in some families.
And for celebrity siblings, those conflicts can be amplified, often playing out in the public eye.
Singer Hilary Duff recently spoke out about rumours of a long-running feud with her older sister Haylie Duff.
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In a chat with CBS Mornings, the 38-year-old star was asked if her new track We Don’t Talk, listed on her new album Luck… or Something, is about her estrangement from her sister.
“Yeah, it’s definitely about my sister and just absolutely the most lonely part of my existence is not having my sister in my life at the moment,” she revealed.
“I really struggled with including that on the record but it’s funny as a person that exists in the world without my other half, so many people are having that experience and a lot of conversations I have with people are like ‘yeah me too, me too, me too’.”
Problems rooted in childhood
Sian Khuman, principal psychologist and couple and family therapist at The Sydney Relationship and Family Practice, told 7NEWS.com.au there are many reasons why relationships can break down between adult siblings.
Often, she said, the roots lie in childhood, with family favouritism, competition and jealousy all contributing.
“Siblings being very different and never being encouraged to sort out their own problems as children can play a part,” Khuman said.
Khuman added that later in life, differences in views about each other’s life choices, disagreements over caring for elderly parents, gossip within the family system and reduced trust and transparency can also cause relationships between siblings to break down.
“Often parents are part of the process, their way of parenting and relating will also be models to their children,” Khuman commented.
Khuman said in her experience, the main factor that impacts repair of the relationship is whether the desire to remain in the relationship remains.
So how common is it for siblings to remain estranged after an argument?
“It can happen,” Khuman said. “Some families have a system of repair and others do not. Siblings are more likely try to make up if they have that modelled in their families.”
‘Relationships can strain when disagreements are inflated’
The Duff sisters’ relationship has been in the spotlight for decades, with rumours claiming their rift stemmed from Haylie being envious of Hilary’s success. “If it’s ’cause you’re jealous, God knows I would sell it all, then break you off the bigger half,” Hilary sings on We Don’t Talk.
While Khuman said she can’t comment on their specific relationship breakdown, she did note being a celebrity means any hint of bad news about a person in the spotlight is often illuminated.
“If there is news, I would assume a celebrity has a choice to confirm or not comment as to what is truth or not. Their private business is thus not private,” Khuman said. “Relationships can strain when disagreements are inflated.”
Khuman added while being in the spotlight can add pressure, there is also power in speaking out as a celebrity.
“People listen and want to relate to stars,” Khuman said. “It is helpful to hear that celebrities are real people with real problems.”
How to repair relationship breakdown between siblings
“Repair involves hearing each other’s perspective,” Khuman said.
“Making sense of the other and taking responsibility for your own part to play in the disagreement.
“If they cannot do that then family counselling is helpful to have a meditator who can understand both sides of the situation and help both parties make sense of each other’s positions.
“Plus they can assist in building more attachment and problem solving.”
