Hence the terror? Yeah. It’s like, “Well, what the f––– have I been doing for the last 70 years? Now it’s all going to be just nothing?” I was amazed at how terrified I felt of death. But then I got to thinking really practically and I was quite amazed. I thought about John, my partner, and how I was totally at peace with the idea of him hooking up with someone else. And then I just went on this journey: “Well, how am I going to feel about her living in our house?” Then I thought, “Well, if she can clean up the place, good on her …”
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Wow, you went on a mental journey. I love this. Then I went further: “No doubt she’ll be a younger woman. So if John dies before she does, are the kids going to have the house? Where’s she going to live? Maybe my kids will be kind enough to let her live in the house.” It went on and on …
[Laughs] Denise, this woman doesn’t even exist! I know! And then I got to the point where I thought, “What if she gets all the money I’ve earnt?” Because the only thing I don’t want is for anyone other than my children to benefit from that. So the next day, I said to John, “You know that money we have just sitting in the bank? Why don’t we just give it to our kids today?” And we did. I thought I was going to die, and I didn’t want his new girlfriend to get the money. But I couldn’t explain that to anyone.
So your kids became the beneficiary of the anxiety created … by a hypothetical woman? Yes. Then, of course, I lived! So maybe I was a bit hasty.
SEX
We’re going to talk about sex now. Oh, god.
Denise Scott (at right) and husband John (top) at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2012 with fellow comedians (from left) Sammy J, Felicity Ward, and Celia Pacquola.Credit: Krissi Lundgren
That’s not a happy “Oh, god”, is it? No. Sex is hard to talk about because I have to take John into consideration. In fact, when I was having treatment, I said to him, “You actually deserve a better situation in so far as this goes …”
Is it true that you met John in a clowning ensemble? Yes. This was in the 1980s when governments funded regional theatre companies. One of the theatre-company people decided to create a clown ensemble, so I auditioned and got the gig. I met John and we were both, literally, full-time clowns. He was – and actually still is – gorgeous. He was really fit because he roller-skated everywhere. And he wore an op-shop shirt with – hello? – no buttons.
All right, then. The buttons had come off and he had this beautiful chest. So, yeah, it was very physical. I was happy then.
What keeps you together now? His energy, which, at times, can also just drive you nuts. He has boundless energy and positivity – especially now. He’s a great dad and a great grandpa and he’s been a great carer … How great is this? John loves to be talked about. He loves attention.
Well, he’s going to love this interview, then. Oh, he’s really going to love it. I didn’t know that I’d end up doing stand-up as part of my work when we met, but he really hates it if I don’t mention him on stage. Oh, he’ll give me dirt! [Laughs].
Denise Scott will perform her stand-up show, Tickety Boo, at the Sydney Opera House in February and will be at the Melbourne and Brisbane comedy festivals in March, April and May. Mother and Son is on ABC TV and ABC iView now.
